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love you grams   
10:08pm 04/08/2005
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everyone learns faster on fire   
02:23pm 16/07/2005
 
mood: disappointed
I'm still around here somewhere.
 
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lava   
01:20am 07/07/2005
 
mood: giddy
NEVER has my horoscope been more ACCURATE:

Daily Extended
July 07, 2005
A certain person has kept you sighing, smiling and gazing out the window with a really idiotic look on your face for a while now. Isn't that wonderful? It sure is, and you're ready to tell the whole world about it -- but not just yet. For now, you want to hold onto it -- to keep it yours, for just a little while more. Well, why not? You have forever to share the news with the world, but only a little while longer for it to be just yours.

I'm fucking speachless.
 
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listen up   
03:02am 29/06/2005
 
mood: naughty

musicman474747  is an arrogant male chauvinist

 

bluebutterfly  is a total slut, especially after she's had a few drinks

 

yellinginmyear  is a compulsive fucking liar and a dirty kleptomaniac

 

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gothikbutterfly dared me to diss three people on my friends list. None of what I've written above is truthful. I love you guys, hope you didn't get offended. LOL
 
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play with me   
12:54am 28/06/2005
 

Let's play a good old game of TRUTH OR DARE. Comment saying you either want a truth or dare. And then I'll give it to you :D

Stolen from

gothikbutterfly
 
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i had time to kill, it's dead and burried   
12:51pm 26/06/2005
 
mood: sleepy
"Lastly, there is this citation in Jerome Smith's 1833 Natural History of the Fishes of Massachusetts. "'In the records of Aix, a seaport in France, in the Mediterranean Sea, is the account of a shark, taken by the fishermen, 22 feet long, in whose stomach, among other undigested remains, was the headless body of a man, encased in complete armor."'
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sharks/world/encounters.html
 
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dreams are so far away   
05:19pm 24/06/2005
 
mood: drained
Things have been fucking shitty lately.
Mom is "fixing up" and selling the house. She asked my grandfather to help, but as usual he's being a total dick about everything. He told my mom that she should just throw away all of mine and khris' stuff because we're not helping out enough. When the fuck do they want me to help them... before or after my 8 1/2 hour shifts at work?
I stayed at my dad's for a couple of days. It was nice to get away but I can't live there this summer with khris. It's too far away from everything, especially work.
I took a civil service exam the other day for a food service job for the state. It doesn't sound awesome by any means, but it's not Mcdonalds, it pays a lot more and I'll actually have reasonable hours and benefits.
I have a cell now, so let me know if you'd like the number. I don't feel right about posting it online.
 
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right on the money   
02:52pm 19/06/2005
 
mood: hung over


You Are 20 Years Old



20





Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


 
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"down on my knees but not to pray"   
10:55pm 14/06/2005
 
mood: horny
So, my mom's slice-o-shit boyfriend broke up with her yesterday. "Cheers to John" I sarcastically said as I popped open one of his beers. Mmmmm...thunderstorms tonight. Wanna sleep over?
 
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do it?   
02:51am 13/06/2005
 
mood: uncomfortable
I doubt that anyone will do this, but I'm bored so it's worth a shot...

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).
4. Put this in your own journal so that I can do the same.
 
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Turn you upside down, don't want to waste it   
01:48am 07/06/2005
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Green is passion, adventure, change, vibrance, life

while words are sparse, the images dripping from the saturated clouds are slowly seeping into the brain.

Colors shrinking in and out are devoured by a glossy onyx pool of pupil.

verbs

|-----------------------------------|

wake me up for something special, something fun, something real.

let's go on an adventure.

we'll forget about everything, and everyone, and

just

let

go....

Who cares what they think?

We are entitled to run away

to forget

to start over

to remember who we really are.

Let's go
 
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yellow-orange   
12:35am 03/06/2005
 
mood: peaceful
Sadly, my poor Honda is falling apart and I must look for another ride.
Yesterday madre insisted that we look around for some possibilities. We stopped at Towne automotive and checked out the Hyundais and I test drove an "accent." It was a pretty model, drove smooth... o.k. lets be honest I don't know anything about cars. I just know that I love my rusty old honda and that I would like to stay with her until she vrooms into that big scrap pile in the sky.
Later I swung by "Feel-Rite" the hippie health-food/vitamin/herbal supplement store. Picked up some ylang-ylang oil, b-vitamins, tea tree-jasmine chap stick and sandalwood& pachoulli candles. "i love this hippie shit!" I exclaimed to my mother as I juggled to keep from dropping my items. The girl working at the counter was pretty, and skinny with long dark hair that brushed against her arms as she moved.
Work almost felt all right today. Hell, everything felt ok.
I'm not quite sure what I would like to do with my day off tomorrow, but I do know that I would like to spend lots of time outside. It has become gloriously beautiful these past few days,
hours of warm sunshine, and lush green foliage that just wraps itself around everything.
 
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do you miss me?   
01:00am 31/05/2005
 
mood: pensive
Had a wicked awesome day with Khris
Thought I might tell you about it before I get too damn tired/lazy
Sipping on a mike's hard lemonade, trying hard not to think about going back to work tomorrow...
Woke up around 1pm this afternoon and quickly realized that my day-offs are far too precious and rare to be sleeping away. So khris and I hijacked mom's explorer and hit up the mall, target, and Borders. Bought a couple giant beach towels at old navy, scooped up a couple books,(Natural Highs & What matters most is how well you walk through the fire -Bukowski)and some good music,(The Dresden Dolls, Smoke or Fire, and Hot Water Music)
We feasted on a mammoth salad bar`a la Ruby Tuesdays and finished off the night at Blockbuster.
The shadows are creeping, taunting...
I watch in my rear view as the light flashes quickly from green to red, blood light pouring onto the streets below-
chase me away.
time to put my shackles back on
I hate work
 
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...just like the wolf before she bites me   
11:59pm 26/05/2005
 
mood: pensive
Felt like I've been every where today.
Grandma has been lonely, so I brought a pizza over for her. Went to AC Moore to look for some yarn so she can finish making her blanket. The color seemed to be impossible to match, I went to Joanne fabrics, then finally found some at Wal*Mart. Decided that I'm going to get back into the artsy-crafty stuff this summer and bought a ton of scrapbooking supplies. I later realized that I have no pictures...
Melissa and I went to Southgate plaza and went through practically every store. It felt good to impulsively shop, and splurge. The sunshine was gorgeous and the wind was surprisingly warm. I walked around until my feet hurt, and then announced my deep satisfaction in having sore, tired feet from something pleasurable: not slaving at McDonalds.
I started reading this book I picked up awhile ago called, Your Erroneous Zones. (it's of the self-help genre) He brings forth a lot of good points, giving me much to think about and work on. I never realized how self-destructive I've been, how I've damaged my self-esteem through trying to please others. Approval seeking is something that many of us learn from the time we are born. I believe that in learning to break free from this constant need to gain the approval of others, I will be able to obtain happiness through self-efficacy and independence. It's going to be quite a project/process.
I bought "Crimson" Alkaline Trio's latest work. Of course it is deliciously brilliant, as they are a supremely talented group.

Since tonight's theme is honesty is the best policy:
ask me any question(s).

it doesn't matter how personal/inappropriate/random they are.

-and i promise to answer 100% truthfully.

(stolen from gothikbutterfly)
 
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I have a headache.... wanna help me out?   
12:02am 20/05/2005
 
mood: eh.
You scored as The Femme Fatale. You're carefree, dark and adventurous...and slightly fatale to the heart.

</td>

The Femme Fatale

50%

The Sprightly Elfin Femme

40%

The Little-Boy Dyke

40%

The Surprise! Dyke

40%

The Quasi-Gothic Femme

35%

The Student Dyke

30%

The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke

25%

The Magic Earring Ken Dyke

15%

The Granola Dyke

15%

The Stud

15%

The Pretty-Boi Dyke

10%

The Bohemian Dyke

10%

The Hipster Dyke

0%

What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with QuizFarm.com
 
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tapioca dreams   
07:22am 18/05/2005
 
mood: chipper
"I don't even need to climb into this carboard dumpster to know what it's like to play inside of it. I guess you can argue that about many different things. It's sort of like knowing what it is to fly like a bird. Sure, you've never experienced it in this life span, but some how you know what it is like."

"Sarah, are you sure you don't do any drugs?" I laughed at Michelle's comment, as I stuffed cardboard into the huge bin outside. Taking out the garbage/cardboard at work was something I never really mind doing, because anything is better than being inside of the store.

Yesterday, was an oh so lovely day off from work. Took (& aced?) my final exam in Art History, went to dinner with the psuedo-fam at Olive Garden for my step-sister's 17th b-day. Khris and I ventured out for some shopping afterward. We laughed, made fun of people, and bitched at each other, and almost had a fist fight in Target's parking lot. We always know how to have a good time.

Rented White Noise with Michael Keaton, but was too afraid to stay awake and watch it alone. Went to bed at 11:30pm! It's been years since I've been to bed that early.

Well, I'm certain that this synopsis is getting a tad droll.
-'tis the time to cram for my english final
 
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In case you haven't heard I'm sick.. and tired of trying   
01:58pm 13/05/2005
 
mood: uncomfortable
If you have some extra time,I highly recommend the film "Wit" with Emma Thompson. (It's a modernized version of Shakespeare's play)

At times I don't know why I am laughing or smiling or crying. Experiencing symptoms of
inappropriate affect...
At this moment my spirit feels like a wavering flame, and then a house of cards on the verge of collapse.
Hold me, kiss me, touch-
get the fuck away from me
stop looking at me
why is she looking at me? What's wrong with me?
Shallow breaths
Division of my mind and the brain
A.D.D of the senses.
Obsessive-Compulsive thoughts of you:
your stupid blood-shot eyes and your sexy smooth dark skin--
In need of therapy
Or some ethyl alcohol to numb the pain of reality
Over to dad's tonight.
better cheer up or I'll have to listen to some good old bullshit advice
"Hello, hello, hello
are you out there?"
 
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what ever happened to that silly dream you had? I want to make it real...   
01:08am 06/05/2005
 
mood: blah
fuck.

unstable emotions feed a fire of anxiety
I need be blasted into bits and rebuilt into something that actually makes some sense.
Going out to see "House of Wax" tomorrow night, because it looks really fucked up and I'm just warped enough to thoroughly enjoy it.

Really considering getting a cell, so I can actually keep in touch with people..
is it a waste of $$?

"fine time to fake a seizure... to feel your mouth on mine, you're saving me.
 
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wet curling paper   
08:19am 02/05/2005
  (moments upon waking I grab for my notebook and begin to scribble...)

I lie awake in a rigid fetal position, eyes flat on the creamy, beige wall adjacent to my bed. Eyes searching for an answer as to how I could have possibly been awakened unprovoked after four short hours of low quality sleep. A sour angry stomach is bitterly ignored as I twist further into the knotted blankets, writhing against them in an attempt to coerce them into helping me fall back asleep.
A few days before, I looked upon a bird so fondly, and no longer wished to be human. Sometimes I believe that I was once a bird, because inside of my heart I remember what it is like to fly. To soar freely through the atmosphere, to rise and fall with ease and grace. Happiness, joy, love, thrills and excitement. All of these are spread so thin, they fade and vanish and I am left again wishing to return to the past. To feel completely real again, to feel alive, to have a uniquely good day....
I often dwindle and meditate on the past lovingly, yet the gloom and cold remind me of how I feel inside of this present moment.
Lingering and clutching to these memories that play out in my mind as a fractured reel of film in choppy, dull pieces, putting pins in my heart.

Well, to say the very least I'm writing again. Words are pouring out of this pen after a long dry spell.
 
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02:14pm 28/04/2005
 
mood: okay
Your Personality Court Card
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Queen of Cups
Element: Water

Personality:
sensitive, reflective, warm, vulnerable, loving, romantic, imaginative, talkative

Most suitable vocations:
institution work, self-help organisations, poet, dancer, make-up artist, anything to do with illusion.

Most suitable lover or partner:
Knight of Pentacles – Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus
 
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